It's 7:22 pm as I'm writing this, which is important because usually I get off the computer by 5:00 pm and don't go back on it until 8:00(ish) am, when I generally check my emails. But I didn't write today and writing was something I intended to make time for. And when I went to get my computer to do some writing, I felt inspired to write a Patron-only post because, well, I'm going to be making some significant changes in the coming months and I wanted to hear what your thoughts are, if you fancy sharing them.
Over the last few weeks I have been prioritizing not just writing, but writing FICTION. Fiction has always been my one first, true passion. I've been writing for ages (broken record, I know, I say this a lot) but like, when I was in my early teens and through my twenties I wrote All The Time in the spare time I had. So much so that I wrote several books. Not just A book, but like, six books. And that's just what I finished writing. I also have incomplete manuscripts that are, none-the-less, 50,000 words or so long. I have false starts that petered out after 10,000 words. I have poor attempts at short stories. I have two to three page long character descriptions.
And all of it is...well, hidden. It's on my computer. It's in folders that I attempt to organize and continually shift from one computer to the next. Some of the writing files I have were first written on an ancient desktop and transferred via FLOPPY disc.
I know I've published two books, but neither of them have really matched my desire to be published, which is to say, I do not have an agent and an amazing editor (or team of editors) to thank. I do not have a writing group I go to who helps support me, whom I can offer support to and have a sense of community and connection with my writing.
Blogging is fine, and it fills some of my longing, but I've been feeling VERY blasé lately about the whole blog thing. Commentaries and reflections are something I have definitely enjoyed, but I miss writing fiction. I miss the way a plot unfolds and characters get fleshed out at the speed of my typing fingers. I miss writing dialogue and building tension and exploring the world through a made-up narrative. I miss it so much I realised that every time I sat down to write, I was forcing myself to do blogs despite knowing that wasn't what I wanted to do.
So this past month I've given myself permission to write fiction, to just go for it.
You may be wondering why I'd have to 'give myself permission' when what I write when I write is entirely up to me anyway, right? Well yes, but also kind of...no. Because I have a blog there is this sense that I'm obligated to share something. Like, sure I wrote for HOURS last week, thousands of words. I've been revising two books and I got to a tough part that needed to be totally rewritten and I solved the rewrite and it created this momentum I've been riding like a BOSS and totally loving! But no one has seen any of it because it's not something I can share via my blog.
I'm never sure how best to share my fiction. I've tried through blogs on occasion, but it always feels very clunky and I find myself getting super neurotic about how it's being perceived. So then I do that thing which is common in authors of realising no manuscript is every truly, 100% completely what you want it to be and revising can go on for eternity and well, what is even the point then because nothing I write will ever be perfect and...
See, VERY neurotic.
Anyway— I want to really focus on my writing in a new way. I want to join that writer's circle and go on a week-long writing retreat. I want to have the time and energy to research agents and send out proposals. I want to spend several hours every week in my imagination, doing this thing which has always brought me more joy than almost anything else in my life (besides relationships —but that's a different kind of joy, or different angle of joy).
Setting the intention. We'll see how it goes.