Dear Imposter Syndrome,
I realise you’ve been with me a very long time—since we were twelve or so, I think—and at times you have been the most dominant part of my life. Over the last five years, of course, I have been doing a great deal to keep you from being at the centre of my experiences. I am well aware that my approach has been to ‘get rid’ of you, like a growth that needs to be expunged from my psyche.
So here’s the deal…
I am not going to try to eradicate you anymore.
It’s tiresome. It’s frustrating. It takes up mental energy I can use better elsewhere.
Instead, when you pop up, I’ll acknowledge your presence, but I’m going to keep on keeping on. Because I have a community, I’m doing valuable work, and I trust myself to be the expert on my own experience. I am enough, and for all the doubt you bring up around that, I’m starting to believe it more often than not.
You can go ahead and do you, I don’t expect that to change. I’m not going to push you away or spiral down into the traps you build for me, but I will listen. Or rather, I’ll listen, pat you on the head, and send you on your way. I’ll recognise that you have made a statement while also seeing that I have the choice not to believe it, fight it, or do anything beyond seeing it and recognising that it’s not helpful.
With love,
Kait
~
Dear Kait,
I’m simply trying to remind you that you aren’t as capable as you think. I’m looking out for you so you don’t get disappointed or let down, and so others aren’t upset when you fail because perfection is so important and I want you to know and remember that you aren’t perfect. I’m looking for love and reassurance, for acknowledgement that I am enough, and if there is a risk that I won’t get constant validation of that, it’s scary and uncomfortable.
That’s it, really. I’m honestly looking out for your best interests.
With grave concern,
Imposter Syndrome
~
Dear Imposter Syndrome,
That’s nice. *pat.pat* Here’s a cookie.
With love,
Kait
~~~
Originally published on Medium
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