Suffering is universal, but not all people (or beings) suffer equally. Some moan continuously over small stuff whereas others silently keep struggling to stay alive. I have never been in that position but I would think that if you are fighting to stay alive (say you're drowning or caught in an earthquake or are in the crossfire of a battle), you don't have time for self-pity. In a prolonged situation of distress however, you do have a choice and might resort to feeling sorry for yourself.
Self-pity gives false comfort and is disempowering. One is stuck in the "Poor me!"-mode instead of getting up and trying to solve the problem at hand. I think self-pity is a behavioural pattern (as you wrote in your comment about the family that can't get out of this habit) that becomes the preferred way out of difficulties. It is easier to blame others or circumstances for whatever suffering we experience rather than take responsibility for our actions or our lack of actions. Once we accept that we have agency in any situation we won't have to fall back on self-pity.
I have enormous respect for Viktor E. Frankl, who survived unimaginable horrors but never resorted to self-pity: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
The question is then how to deal with people who are wallowing in self-pity. Any ideas?
Suffering is universal, but not all people (or beings) suffer equally. Some moan continuously over small stuff whereas others silently keep struggling to stay alive. I have never been in that position but I would think that if you are fighting to stay alive (say you're drowning or caught in an earthquake or are in the crossfire of a battle), you don't have time for self-pity. In a prolonged situation of distress however, you do have a choice and might resort to feeling sorry for yourself.
Self-pity gives false comfort and is disempowering. One is stuck in the "Poor me!"-mode instead of getting up and trying to solve the problem at hand. I think self-pity is a behavioural pattern (as you wrote in your comment about the family that can't get out of this habit) that becomes the preferred way out of difficulties. It is easier to blame others or circumstances for whatever suffering we experience rather than take responsibility for our actions or our lack of actions. Once we accept that we have agency in any situation we won't have to fall back on self-pity.
I have enormous respect for Viktor E. Frankl, who survived unimaginable horrors but never resorted to self-pity: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
The question is then how to deal with people who are wallowing in self-pity. Any ideas?