One of the greatest gifts I have received from my study of Buddhism is the teachings on Shenpa. To become aware of all the triggers that I had allowed to influence my reactions. Somebody says or does something and "BOOM!" I react. I get angry, defensive, upset. Over the years I learned to watch myself rather than immediately fall into the usual pattern. I have become calmer, less reactive. Of course, now and then somebody manages to catch me off guard and the usual response sets in, but at least I am aware of what is happening and can stop the situation from escalating. And in a way, these "missteps" are necessary checks. The triggers pop up and ask: "Are you awake?" and I can answer: "Yes I'm awake. Thank you for checking on me." The more I become aware of my triggers the more I learn about myself, my patterns, and the easier it becomes to change my behaviour.
I had a major insight when I read in an article about Lenchak (Old Relationships, New Possibilities – Dzigar Kongtrul, Tricycle Winter 2008), a pattern of co-dependency. This pattern is explained with a story:
"In Tibet they say there is a lake where, during a particular full moon each year, the seal-like creatures who live there gather fish in their mouths and offer them up to hordes of owls who hover in the trees above, waiting to eat. There is no apparent reason for the seals to offer the fish other than the fact that the owls seem to expect it. As the story goes, the seals gain nothing from offering the fish, and the owls are never satisfied. So, they say, since there is no obvious reason for this dynamic to be as it is, “it must be lenchak.”"
The text goes on: "The irony of this dynamic is that, in most cases, the more fish the seal offers the owl, the more resentful, demanding, and dissatisfied the owl gets."
I read that and immediately realised that I had been in such a relationship and had been a seal for too many years. That had made me unhappy but it was my own responsibility to get out of this pattern and to stop providing fish.
So examining and analysing my life, finding the patterns and triggers that cause suffering, that is what I try to do now. And from experience I can say that it works. But one has to be honest with oneself and accept responsibility for one's actions.
One of the greatest gifts I have received from my study of Buddhism is the teachings on Shenpa. To become aware of all the triggers that I had allowed to influence my reactions. Somebody says or does something and "BOOM!" I react. I get angry, defensive, upset. Over the years I learned to watch myself rather than immediately fall into the usual pattern. I have become calmer, less reactive. Of course, now and then somebody manages to catch me off guard and the usual response sets in, but at least I am aware of what is happening and can stop the situation from escalating. And in a way, these "missteps" are necessary checks. The triggers pop up and ask: "Are you awake?" and I can answer: "Yes I'm awake. Thank you for checking on me." The more I become aware of my triggers the more I learn about myself, my patterns, and the easier it becomes to change my behaviour.
I had a major insight when I read in an article about Lenchak (Old Relationships, New Possibilities – Dzigar Kongtrul, Tricycle Winter 2008), a pattern of co-dependency. This pattern is explained with a story:
"In Tibet they say there is a lake where, during a particular full moon each year, the seal-like creatures who live there gather fish in their mouths and offer them up to hordes of owls who hover in the trees above, waiting to eat. There is no apparent reason for the seals to offer the fish other than the fact that the owls seem to expect it. As the story goes, the seals gain nothing from offering the fish, and the owls are never satisfied. So, they say, since there is no obvious reason for this dynamic to be as it is, “it must be lenchak.”"
The text goes on: "The irony of this dynamic is that, in most cases, the more fish the seal offers the owl, the more resentful, demanding, and dissatisfied the owl gets."
I read that and immediately realised that I had been in such a relationship and had been a seal for too many years. That had made me unhappy but it was my own responsibility to get out of this pattern and to stop providing fish.
So examining and analysing my life, finding the patterns and triggers that cause suffering, that is what I try to do now. And from experience I can say that it works. But one has to be honest with oneself and accept responsibility for one's actions.