That slogan is such good advice. Having read Judy Lief's comment on it and yours I can see two interpretations of it that point in somewhat different directions.
Judy Lief writes: "This slogan is about aloneness and confidence. […] It is hard to accept this kind of existential aloneness in ourselves or in others. We want people to really know us, and we want to have some way of truly understanding others. But no matter how much we bare our hearts, we can never convey the fullness of our experiential reality. And no matter how much we probe, we can never fully penetrate another person’s experience.
According to this slogan, if we want feedback as to how we are doing, we must rely on our own judgment. But it is unsettling to realize that no one else really knows what is going on with us. So we look around for confirmation. We look to others for feedback and to find clues as to how we are doing from others. Instead of looking directly at our own experience, we try to find it in what is reflected back to us from outside. But that reflection is not all that trustworthy. People are easily fooled by appearances and judge what is going on according to their own biases and preconceptions."
For me this appears when I try to share with others my deepest thoughts – about life, the universe, and everything – and then have to realise that they aren't interested or willing to really get into a conversation where one bares one's heart. Sometimes it feels very lonely. Whenever I find someone who actually wants to engage with these deep questions it is such a gift.
That is the one direction, being on your own. The other direction is trusting yourself. The example you give is very apt. I've experienced something similar where a good friend suggested that I was dealing with some childhood trauma, and I thought "What? I honestly don't think so." I was confused, not defensive, just as you wrote.
So, we're on our own and have to get to know ourselves in order to trust our witness. But it's good to be able to discuss such questions with other people on the path.
Yes! I think a lot of us are raised to believe that external-validation is the most important, and this slogan is saying, "No one is in your head and can know your body and mind the way you can. Learn to trust your experience and trust what your work is."
And you are quite right, that it points to a loneliness of not being able to fully give anyone outside of ourselves the experience of our heart-mind. I've learned to see it as a bonus in my life, when I feel genuinely seen by someone. And a huge part of my practice is letting go of the sting and hurt when I am misunderstood by someone I care for and respect—that it's not my job to get them to see it from my perspective but to understand that their misunderstanding does not invalidate my relative experience.
Yes. I think the feeling of not really being seen or understood is part of that huge sadness that underlies our existence. There is nothing we can do about it, just accept it.
That slogan is such good advice. Having read Judy Lief's comment on it and yours I can see two interpretations of it that point in somewhat different directions.
Judy Lief writes: "This slogan is about aloneness and confidence. […] It is hard to accept this kind of existential aloneness in ourselves or in others. We want people to really know us, and we want to have some way of truly understanding others. But no matter how much we bare our hearts, we can never convey the fullness of our experiential reality. And no matter how much we probe, we can never fully penetrate another person’s experience.
According to this slogan, if we want feedback as to how we are doing, we must rely on our own judgment. But it is unsettling to realize that no one else really knows what is going on with us. So we look around for confirmation. We look to others for feedback and to find clues as to how we are doing from others. Instead of looking directly at our own experience, we try to find it in what is reflected back to us from outside. But that reflection is not all that trustworthy. People are easily fooled by appearances and judge what is going on according to their own biases and preconceptions."
For me this appears when I try to share with others my deepest thoughts – about life, the universe, and everything – and then have to realise that they aren't interested or willing to really get into a conversation where one bares one's heart. Sometimes it feels very lonely. Whenever I find someone who actually wants to engage with these deep questions it is such a gift.
That is the one direction, being on your own. The other direction is trusting yourself. The example you give is very apt. I've experienced something similar where a good friend suggested that I was dealing with some childhood trauma, and I thought "What? I honestly don't think so." I was confused, not defensive, just as you wrote.
So, we're on our own and have to get to know ourselves in order to trust our witness. But it's good to be able to discuss such questions with other people on the path.
Yes! I think a lot of us are raised to believe that external-validation is the most important, and this slogan is saying, "No one is in your head and can know your body and mind the way you can. Learn to trust your experience and trust what your work is."
And you are quite right, that it points to a loneliness of not being able to fully give anyone outside of ourselves the experience of our heart-mind. I've learned to see it as a bonus in my life, when I feel genuinely seen by someone. And a huge part of my practice is letting go of the sting and hurt when I am misunderstood by someone I care for and respect—that it's not my job to get them to see it from my perspective but to understand that their misunderstanding does not invalidate my relative experience.
Yes. I think the feeling of not really being seen or understood is part of that huge sadness that underlies our existence. There is nothing we can do about it, just accept it.