That slogan is such good advice. Having read Judy Lief's comment on it and yours I can see two interpretations of it that point in somewhat different directions.
Judy Lief writes: "This slogan is about aloneness and confidence. […] It is hard to accept this kind of existential aloneness in ourselves or in others. We want people to really know us, and we want to have some way of truly understanding others. But no matter how much we bare our hearts, we can never convey the fullness of our experiential reality. And no matter how much we probe, we can never fully penetrate another person’s experience.
According to this slogan, if we want feedback as to how we are doing, we must rely on our own judgment. But it is unsettling to realize that no one else really knows what is going on with us. So we look around for confirmation. We look to others for feedback and to find clues as to how we are doing from others. Instead of looking directly at our own experience, we try to find it in what is reflected back to us from outside. But that reflection is not all that trustworthy. People are easily fooled by appearances and judge what is going on according to their own biases and preconceptions."
For me this appears when I try to share with others my deepest thoughts – about life, the universe, and everything – and then have to realise that they aren't interested or willing to really get into a conversation where one bares one's heart. Sometimes it feels very lonely. Whenever I find someone who actually wants to engage with these deep questions it is such a gift.
That is the one direction, being on your own. The other direction is trusting yourself. The example you give is very apt. I've experienced something similar where a good friend suggested that I was dealing with some childhood trauma, and I thought "What? I honestly don't think so." I was confused, not defensive, just as you wrote.
So, we're on our own and have to get to know ourselves in order to trust our witness. But it's good to be able to discuss such questions with other people on the path.
That slogan is such good advice. Having read Judy Lief's comment on it and yours I can see two interpretations of it that point in somewhat different directions.
Judy Lief writes: "This slogan is about aloneness and confidence. […] It is hard to accept this kind of existential aloneness in ourselves or in others. We want people to really know us, and we want to have some way of truly understanding others. But no matter how much we bare our hearts, we can never convey the fullness of our experiential reality. And no matter how much we probe, we can never fully penetrate another person’s experience.
According to this slogan, if we want feedback as to how we are doing, we must rely on our own judgment. But it is unsettling to realize that no one else really knows what is going on with us. So we look around for confirmation. We look to others for feedback and to find clues as to how we are doing from others. Instead of looking directly at our own experience, we try to find it in what is reflected back to us from outside. But that reflection is not all that trustworthy. People are easily fooled by appearances and judge what is going on according to their own biases and preconceptions."
For me this appears when I try to share with others my deepest thoughts – about life, the universe, and everything – and then have to realise that they aren't interested or willing to really get into a conversation where one bares one's heart. Sometimes it feels very lonely. Whenever I find someone who actually wants to engage with these deep questions it is such a gift.
That is the one direction, being on your own. The other direction is trusting yourself. The example you give is very apt. I've experienced something similar where a good friend suggested that I was dealing with some childhood trauma, and I thought "What? I honestly don't think so." I was confused, not defensive, just as you wrote.
So, we're on our own and have to get to know ourselves in order to trust our witness. But it's good to be able to discuss such questions with other people on the path.