Lojong Practice Journal: Don’t transfer the Ox’s Load to the cow
The 59 slogans through a social justice lens
CW: Examples of sexual assault and r*pe culture.
When my unicorn and I began selecting a Lojong slogan a week to study, “Don’t transfer the ox’s load to the cow” was one of the very first that we drew. Having contemplated this slogan before, I thought of it as one I understood; it’s telling us not to pass our responsibilities off on someone or something else, nor to assign great responsibility to someone who can’t handle it. But with time and deep thinking, I came to realise this isn’t just about our personal actions but about how we as a society think about complex social problems in simplified individualistic terms.
We transfer the ox’s load to the cow any time we assign responsibility for complex systems of social inequality to one particular group of people or a single cause.
For an example we can look to the victim-blaming aspect of rape culture. When a man rapes a woman the woman is put under far more pressure to justify why she didn’t deserve to be raped than the man will face for what is a criminal act that should never be justifiable. The onus is put on women, and the expectation is that if the victim behaved differently1, then no one would have chosen to rape her. Throughout society, women are told to protect themselves, to make sure they are being safe and not putting themselves at risk. The message that women need to behave differently so no one will rape them teaches boys and men that sometimes they are obligated to rape women and that they don’t have free agency or personal responsibility. There is rarely a conversation about the cultural norms that have taught an alarming number of men they are entitled to sex more than a woman is entitled to her bodily autonomy.
Victim blaming is a clear case of transferring the ox’s load to the cow.
This is not to say that this slogan isn’t also about personal responsibility, it’s just that personal responsibility does not exist in a vacuum. We can recognise that no one is solely responsibly for oppressive systems and that doesn’t absolve us of responsibility for how we choose to behave in response to those systems. The weight of dismantling oppression does not fall to only one person or group of people.2 It is not entirely up to me to get rid of systemic racism, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a part to play.
We can take personal responsibility with awareness of how we are interconnected. We must understand that we are a component part of something bigger than ourselves and therefore, changing our mind and our behaviour will have an impact on the world around us. As we change our own minds by noticing implicit bias and addressing these internalised assumptions so too will society change.
This slogan could be more accurately stated as ‘don’t transfer the herd’s load to just one cow’. Society can be viewed as the ox or the herd, but regardless social change requires collective effort.
Victim blaming, shame campaigns or vitriol against the ‘other’ is a way to absolve ourselves of noticing our own hidden biases or how our actions and speech (or lack thereof) may be contributing to a greater social problem. Sometimes these biases are actively cultivated in order to justify an oppressive system, particularly by those benefiting from the oppression of others. Regardless, to transfer the ox’s load is to ignore the ways we are given social power and therefore, where the work for us to do lies.
We shouldn’t use what we can’t do as an excuse to justify total inaction and ignorance of what we can do. I can’t, as one person, dismantly white supremacy. I can acknowledge the implicit bias I have learned from the culture and community in which I have grown up. I can listen better to those white supremacy culture works to silence. I can relate to any movement for liberation through my own experiences of oppression under cisheteropatriarchy. I can have deep conversations with my friends and family that may plant seeds of curiosity. I can reflect deeply on the reality of my experience and if it matches what I’ve been told about our different embodiments. I can question my sources of information and test what information stands up to my own sense of reason. When I feel tempted to act out of hatred or righteous indignation, I can stop and remind myself that these things have never resolved anything. I can cultivate compassion, develop greater discernment and take personal responsibility for the part I do play.
This slogan is a reminder that we are not alone on the path to liberation. I see how someone radiates joy and contentment and I get curious. I wonder about how they are living their life and I take note of their views, approach, and practice. I hear someone tell a story of how they used to be incredibly violent or driven by hate until they found a path to deradicalise themself and it give me hope. Others’ demonstrations of skill, compassion, and self-awareness invite me to look at the load I’ve been hauling and consider where I’ve been bearing too much and where I haven’t been pulling my weight.
The inevitable change that comes from taking personal responsibility where we are given social power makes a difference. We are social creatures. We are interconnected. Nothing we do happens in a bubble. As our little patch gets greener and richer and brighter, those around us will take notice and take up their part of the load. This is why I practice.
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If they had dressed differently. Didn’t drink or partake in drugs. Had been vigilant about what they did drink. Had been carrying pepperspray. Had chosen to go out with friends instead of alone. Had stayed with their friends the entire night. Hadn’t walked alone after dark. Had taken self defense classes knowing the statistical likelihood of being sexually assaulted. Etc. etc. etc. Never, if he hadn’t chosen to rape her.
I can never say this enough: If it was up to the victims of oppressive systems to end them, it would be done already.
This slogan has me stumped. I mean I think I understand what it is saying, but it seems so different from the other slogans. It is like we are reading part of a different manual. At least that is my first impression. I'm curious to know more about this slogan. What is the context to this advice? Judy Lief writes:
"Sometimes we are in situations when there is a need for someone to take on a leadership position. After the question, “Is anybody willing to step up?” everyone plays the disappearing act and there is nothing but silence. In those occasions, if what is being asked for is worthwhile and you have the background or ability to take it on, you should just do so."
And I think: "God! I've been there. I've taken on more than my fair share of duties and responsibilities because nobody else volunteered." After several years I felt like: "Enough!" Was I still the ox or had I turned into a cow who was about to collapse? Could the meaning of the slogan be: "Don't pretend to be an ox if you are a cow. Don't take on more than you can carry"? That would be a message to all the overachievers who are victims of their own ambitions or their need to perform at 110% of what would be healthy.
Or maybe it is about forcing people to carry what is not theirs, like guilt or the responsibility for whatever awful conditions they have to deal with, as you suggest.
Lots to think about with this slogan. Maybe I can find some further comments.