Ah! Greatest defilements? It has to be the greatest? It can't be a medium sized or minor defilement? 😉 But of course I get the point. Dabbling with minuscule defilements might be satisfactory, like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic into a pleasing pattern, but the real problem is that the ship is sinking and no manner of rearranging furniture is going to change that. I think the challenge is to understand what the greatest defilements in our life are. So I suppose the first step is to observe ourselves. What are my patterns? When do they lead to "suffering"? What is behind the pattern? You mentioned your need for control. I have a certain need for order. What lies behind that need? No doubt it is an attempt to control my environment. Is that need compulsive or relaxed enough to put up with disturbances? Is it some sort of magic thinking?
I don't know whether the example is relevant but having to deal with the "greatest" reminds me of all the times I clean parts of my flat. I look at the kitchen and immediately overwhelm sets in and I can't bring myself to start with the task. So I make a deal with myself: just one drawer. That's manageable. And once the first step is taken, the rest follows more or less easily. This might be an example of the "little cares". I think the difference between my cleaning the drawer and somebody rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic is that the deck chairs are not part of the real problem. The drawer is.
So what might be my "greatest defilements"? I think sometimes I'm impatient when somebody is slow on the uptake or even refuses to do what I suggest. I find myself nagging them. I also have a certain intellectual pride I admit. The solution is letting go of expectations. I'm getting better at that. But it's work in progress. 😊
I appreciate the kitchen-cleaning example. No one truly prepared me for how much of adulthood is just cleaning the kitchen. :P I have this habit too, where my brain "cascades" tasks. I need to clean the kitchen floor because of all the crumbs, but the counter-tops need doing first because I'll just knock more crumbs down if I do them after, but before I clean the counter top I need to wash the dishes collected on them and in the sink, which means I have to unload the dishwasher and put away the dishes on the side racks...and so on and so forth.
I never experience paralysis but more like this overwhelming urgency to Clean The Entire House Because Everything Is Connected (It doesn't take long for 'Before I clean the kitchen floor I have to clean the kitchen counter' to morph into 'before I clean the kitchen I have to clean the upstairs bathroom') but the point is, energy and time ARE finite.
If the thing I really need to do is MAKE DINNER, then the question is, what is the most immediate task that has to be done to make that possible?
Back to the anxiety—I had to really learn how to just be present with my mind when it was panicking so I could learn to listen to what it was panicking about and when that panic was justified and something needed to be addressed, versus when the panic was irrational and the best thing to do was soothe my nervous system.
Panic is a different kettle of fish. I’m glad I never had to deal with it and I feel with you. I am glad you are managing to deal with it. – Concerning the kitchen. I mentioned it because I am changing my life, less obligations, more time for myself, and I was convinced for some reason that I couldn‘t start this new life unless the kitchen was clean and reorganised. There was no rational thought behind that, just a feeling. So I did clean out the kitchen and felt great relief afterwards.
I absolutely recognise the bread crumb-counter-top-floor conundrum. 😄
Ah! Greatest defilements? It has to be the greatest? It can't be a medium sized or minor defilement? 😉 But of course I get the point. Dabbling with minuscule defilements might be satisfactory, like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic into a pleasing pattern, but the real problem is that the ship is sinking and no manner of rearranging furniture is going to change that. I think the challenge is to understand what the greatest defilements in our life are. So I suppose the first step is to observe ourselves. What are my patterns? When do they lead to "suffering"? What is behind the pattern? You mentioned your need for control. I have a certain need for order. What lies behind that need? No doubt it is an attempt to control my environment. Is that need compulsive or relaxed enough to put up with disturbances? Is it some sort of magic thinking?
I don't know whether the example is relevant but having to deal with the "greatest" reminds me of all the times I clean parts of my flat. I look at the kitchen and immediately overwhelm sets in and I can't bring myself to start with the task. So I make a deal with myself: just one drawer. That's manageable. And once the first step is taken, the rest follows more or less easily. This might be an example of the "little cares". I think the difference between my cleaning the drawer and somebody rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic is that the deck chairs are not part of the real problem. The drawer is.
So what might be my "greatest defilements"? I think sometimes I'm impatient when somebody is slow on the uptake or even refuses to do what I suggest. I find myself nagging them. I also have a certain intellectual pride I admit. The solution is letting go of expectations. I'm getting better at that. But it's work in progress. 😊
I appreciate the kitchen-cleaning example. No one truly prepared me for how much of adulthood is just cleaning the kitchen. :P I have this habit too, where my brain "cascades" tasks. I need to clean the kitchen floor because of all the crumbs, but the counter-tops need doing first because I'll just knock more crumbs down if I do them after, but before I clean the counter top I need to wash the dishes collected on them and in the sink, which means I have to unload the dishwasher and put away the dishes on the side racks...and so on and so forth.
I never experience paralysis but more like this overwhelming urgency to Clean The Entire House Because Everything Is Connected (It doesn't take long for 'Before I clean the kitchen floor I have to clean the kitchen counter' to morph into 'before I clean the kitchen I have to clean the upstairs bathroom') but the point is, energy and time ARE finite.
If the thing I really need to do is MAKE DINNER, then the question is, what is the most immediate task that has to be done to make that possible?
Back to the anxiety—I had to really learn how to just be present with my mind when it was panicking so I could learn to listen to what it was panicking about and when that panic was justified and something needed to be addressed, versus when the panic was irrational and the best thing to do was soothe my nervous system.
Panic is a different kettle of fish. I’m glad I never had to deal with it and I feel with you. I am glad you are managing to deal with it. – Concerning the kitchen. I mentioned it because I am changing my life, less obligations, more time for myself, and I was convinced for some reason that I couldn‘t start this new life unless the kitchen was clean and reorganised. There was no rational thought behind that, just a feeling. So I did clean out the kitchen and felt great relief afterwards.
I absolutely recognise the bread crumb-counter-top-floor conundrum. 😄
I genuinely function so much better when I have a tidy and organized space.