It s all pretty straightforward in theory but becomes messy in reality. I experienced this again yesterday. Quite often on a Wednesday evening I meet a destitute man at the station while I'm waiting for my train. He usually asks for money to be able to spend the night at a hostel. In the past I have given him money, although I wasn't convinced that the money would go to the hostel. Recently I learned that he has a room nearby and that he gets money from social services. So I suspect that whatever he gets at the station (I am not the only one he begs from) is used for other things than shelter and food.
Yesterday he approached me again and asked for a larger sum to spend the night at the hostel.
Now this was a situation where I had to ask myself what action would be appropriate. The easiest way out would be to hand over money. I could feel good about myself and he would leave. I am usually generous but I am not an ATM and I don't want to support a drug habit. I am also not a social worker or psychiatric nurse and have no idea how to cope with people like him. He is obviously not well.
I told him that I had given him quite a lot of money in the past and that I wouldn't give him what he asked for. He sat down next to me and started to explain why it was necessary for him to be at the hostel and not at the place where he has a room. I gave him some money, but not the amount he wanted, and he started to talk. He seems to suffer from some sort of logorrrhea. He is obviously not well, but I listened to him talking about his favourite football club, about where he grew up and about his family (not everything made sense).
That is what I could do for him. Listen to him.
As you wrote: it is not our job to fix anyone, and we are not responsible for other people’s happiness. This man yesterday: he needs professional help, and he needs to seek this help himself, but I'm afraid he's beyond the point where he can take that action. So whatever I do is not going to make any difference. I can't fix him or help him in any way. But I might continue to listen to him.
It s all pretty straightforward in theory but becomes messy in reality. I experienced this again yesterday. Quite often on a Wednesday evening I meet a destitute man at the station while I'm waiting for my train. He usually asks for money to be able to spend the night at a hostel. In the past I have given him money, although I wasn't convinced that the money would go to the hostel. Recently I learned that he has a room nearby and that he gets money from social services. So I suspect that whatever he gets at the station (I am not the only one he begs from) is used for other things than shelter and food.
Yesterday he approached me again and asked for a larger sum to spend the night at the hostel.
Now this was a situation where I had to ask myself what action would be appropriate. The easiest way out would be to hand over money. I could feel good about myself and he would leave. I am usually generous but I am not an ATM and I don't want to support a drug habit. I am also not a social worker or psychiatric nurse and have no idea how to cope with people like him. He is obviously not well.
I told him that I had given him quite a lot of money in the past and that I wouldn't give him what he asked for. He sat down next to me and started to explain why it was necessary for him to be at the hostel and not at the place where he has a room. I gave him some money, but not the amount he wanted, and he started to talk. He seems to suffer from some sort of logorrrhea. He is obviously not well, but I listened to him talking about his favourite football club, about where he grew up and about his family (not everything made sense).
That is what I could do for him. Listen to him.
As you wrote: it is not our job to fix anyone, and we are not responsible for other people’s happiness. This man yesterday: he needs professional help, and he needs to seek this help himself, but I'm afraid he's beyond the point where he can take that action. So whatever I do is not going to make any difference. I can't fix him or help him in any way. But I might continue to listen to him.